In western society, we are conditioned to value self-esteem. Self-esteem is founded on comparing ourselves (self-image) to others. Do our achievements, jobs, grades, physical appearance measure up? When we perceive that our achievements rise above others, our self-esteem increases. Compliments increase our self-esteem. Hurdles, setbacks, disparaging remarks, bullying, all serve to lower our self-esteem.

At the heart of the human condition is the fact that each of us sees our own self from the inside, while seeing others only from the outside. Society teaches us to put our best foot forward. We are conditioned to advertise our strengths, successes, joys, & passions, while hiding insecurities, anxieties, the fear, the physical limitations, and psychological challenges. When we look within ourselves, we see the entire landscape, the flowers, the weeds, all of it. When we look at others, we cannot see their entire landscape. We predominantly see only their flowers. Self-esteem is based on an unfair comparison that cannot foster lasting happiness. What we need is self-compassion.

Self-compassion is similar to compassion. Compassion is the heart’s desire to help someone who is struggling. It is the nonjudgmental recognition that no one is perfect, and a caring acceptance and understanding offered towards the person, and their struggle. Self-compassion recognizes our own limitations, imperfections with a sense of kindness and understanding. Self-compassion fosters a realization that we share our imperfect-ness with every other human. These imperfections and struggles do not need to be hidden. When we are compassionate towards ourselves, we relieve the pressure of having to live up to the expectations of others…(that’s self-esteem). We free stuck energy! (Think about how much energy we waste spinning our wheels worrying about our struggles). We create space in which to view our struggles more objectively, and allow change to happen. It is in this space that we learn to harness the newly available energy within and can become joyful, blissful, and fearless.